So Long, Screwy... See You In Camaguey
Fidel "I loooooove killing people!" Castro has decided to step down as president-for-life of Cuba. Strangely, he has not stepped down from living. Go figure.
Aside from leading the 1959 revolution that toppled former Cuban leader (and a dick in his own right) Fulgencio Batista, Castro created the kind of Soviet-funded Socialist utopia that got Cubans so excited they couldn't wait to get into rubber rafts and tell their friends in Miami about it.
Castro's successor held a press conference and had this to say:
In response to the news of Castro's retirement, President Bush stated,
"I believe that the change from Fidel Castro ought to begin a period of a democratic transition...Eventually this transition ought to lead to free and fair elections. And I mean free and I mean fair."
The president continued, "Not the kind of election where someone loses the popular vote and still becomes president thanks to a shady judicial ruling. I mean free and fair. And not the kind of elections where voting machines are tampered with and senior voters are confused by poorly-designed ballots.
"I mean free and fair. And not the kind where people who are not allies of the U.S. government get elected to power. I mean free and--"
At that point the president's microphone mysteriously cut off.
Fidel Castro retires [Yahoo! News]